i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My pussy is not your playground.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
