Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
