did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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