There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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