actually, I'm a sock model
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
