People in love make me want to vomit
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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