so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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