do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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