Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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