Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
