I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
