remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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