the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
