Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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