dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
