My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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