found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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