She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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