Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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