Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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