i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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