somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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