Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
