I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.