it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police