Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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