I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.