dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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