My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
