mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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