I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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