My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
