So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
