I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
