I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
