my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize