I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.