Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
