we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯