I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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