i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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