I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel