So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!