I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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