how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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