Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
