I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I could have mohawked her pubes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize