I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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