Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
