if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
