I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
