took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
