omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
