I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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