No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
