Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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