One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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