You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize