He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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