You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
