Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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