you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
