I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
