Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
