So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
