i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
