It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
