As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
