morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
