I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
