about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
