not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
