sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
